- Take the only set of keys between the two of you. Make sure his phone is out of battery with a broken screen.
- Get into an argument about keeping each other informed of whereabouts right before he leaves his office to come home.
- Watch a movie and fail to notice when he allegedly rings doorbell.
- Get excited when it’s close to the time he’s supposed to get home.
- Realize he never showed up.
- 30 minutes after supposed time of arrival (STA), begin to panic. Assure yourself he made a pit stop somewhere.
- 1.5 hours after STA, really panic. Fling open door to see if he’s standing outside, waiting.
- Devolve into a state of utter fear and alarm. 2.5 hours after STA, run around the neighborhood with nothing but a blanket to keep warm with to see if his dead, lifeless body is lying in the road, blown to bits by New Year fireworks.
- No? Go back home, collapse in sobs and pray to God that he’s still alive and unhurt. Start frantically calling and IM’ing friends about what to do.
- Advised to calm down and wait to see if he shows up at work tomorrow, 10 whole hours later. Start trying to find out contact information of people who may know his whereabouts.
- Try to sleep on couch, but really just praying silently that he’ll come back home. Hear a noise at 2:30 a.m., look outside, but nothing.
- Call the British embassy missing persons hotline 8.5 hours after STA. Instructed to call local police.
- Tear room apart looking for boyfriend’s phone.
- 9.5 hours after STA, open door for one last check. Scream at the lump lying on the doorstep. It’s boyfriend! Immediately dissolve into uncontrollable, convulsing blubbery sobbing and broken sentences: “I thouuuughghghgguthgh … oh Gaaaahhhooooddddd … where haaaavve youuuuuuuu wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”
- Put him on a leash.*
I need to move to a place with crime incident and accident reports. It would help a lot in times like this. Thanks to everyone who talked me through my increasing state of hysteria as I let my worst fears take over.
*Not really