Today is Dec. 4, three months after I accepted a job offer in China. I am still in the United States.

The Chinese embassy has approved my visa (Z class, sometimes known as a Foreign Expert visa — thanks, China, for recognizing my brilliance!). I am cleared to go back to Beijing to work, and I will arrive there Dec.14.

For anyone keeping track, I accepted the job offer Sept. 4. And for those of you who are considering working for a Chinese firm, here are some obstacles you might run into:

Sept. 11: My acceptance is accepted, with a “stay tuned” warning of forthcoming instructions on how to proceed.

Sept. 20: I’m finally given instructions on how to get the ball rolling. I needed to provide a reference letter with an official stamp (rare); passport copy; 2×2 ID photo; health certificate from a public hospital (nonexistent); and a copy of my diploma.

Sept. 21: Passport copy, photo, and diploma copy e-mailed and received.

Sept. 23: Recommendation letter e-mailed and received.

Oct. 10: Informed that “documents for my visa” will be issued soon after official approval of my employment, which was expected Oct. 12.

Oct. 13: Finally get word on what exactly they expect for the health certificate.

Oct. 16: Doctor’s appointment to get my health certificate; e-mailed and received. Proceeded to wait another two weeks because the state official handling my visa documents was “on holiday.”

Oct. 27: Foreign Experts Work Permit Application filled out.

Oct. 28: Informed that the two documents I need to accompany my visa application will be FedEx’d to me overnight.

Oct. 29: Informed that the two documents can’t be sent until the following Monday because the boss who needs to sign a form was out of town.

Nov. 2: Documents mailed.

Nov. 3: Documents received. I apply for my visa, paying an extra fee to have it expedited (processed and returned within five business days).

Nov. 11: Informed that visa was approved and passport will be returned by the 14th. Annoyed. Then informed that visa was not approved and company filled out a form wrong. Pissed.

Nov. 13: Copy of revised document e-mailed.

Nov. 18: Informed that embassy requests original revised document.

Nov. 20: Visa agent receives document, does her visa agent magic and gets it to the embassy.

Nov. 25: Visa is approved. Passport should arrive Dec. 1.

Dec. 1: No passport.

Dec. 2: Visa agent receives passport, now wants me to pay for postage to mail back to me, even though she didn’t mention an additional fee when I requested she mail me my passport after I paid $300 dollars to have my visa application expedited (to be processed and returned within five business days, which it clearly was not). Annoyed and pissed.

Anyway, the moral of this story is: If you’re hoping to work in China, budget three months of waiting for your company to get its shit together so that you can go.

Also, it’s my mommy’s birthday! Am somewhat glad that I got to stay in the States long enough to celebrate it with her.